Manic Madness
by My Other Car Is A Decepticon
Summary: A collection of crackfics involving everyone's favorite Transformers. Bee gets a tummy rub, Sunny crushes on Megatron and Frenzy kills a priest... What the hell?


Wow... This is... Um... Holy crap... Yep. Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. If I did? They would all commit suicide... Joy.

Sam stared at the scene in front of him with a mixture of surprise, amusement and confusion as the bright yellow Camaro literally rolled over onto its back, tires spinning in the air and wiggled, scraping his roof back and forth on the ground. Bumblebee let out a happy purr.

"Um... Bee?"

"Yes Sam?"

"What are you doing?"

Bumblebee remained on his back, still wiggling back and forth.

"Scratching an itch..."

"Oh..."

Bumblebee paused. "Hey Sam? Will you do me a favor?"

Sam looked at his friend curiously. "Yeah what?"

"Rub my tummy?"

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Transformer Pick Up Lines-

"Damn girl, you really know how to rev my engine"

"Either I need coolant, or you are one seriously hot femme..."

"Come on baby, lubricate my pistons..."

"Whadda you say we go back to my place and change each other's oil?"

Ironhide: "Hey beautiful, wanna play with my cannons?"

Optimus Prime: "Um... Uh... Um... Uh... Er... I uh... Um... Uh... I...You...Uh...Um... HEY LOOK, A DECEPTICON!" **-runs away-**

Ratchet:"My pheromone levels indicate I want to interface with you..."

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Father Joseph Andrews had been doing confession for the past three hours. He was sick to the bone of listening to the same crap, over and over. Forgive me father, I've been thinking unpure thoughts. Forgive me father, I parked in a red zone and I don't want to go to hell. The same mindless confessions. Silently he prayed for an interesting confession. Something, anything to relieve his severe boredom. With a sigh, he waited for the next sinner to enter the confessional. He didn't have long to wait. The floor creaked as someone entered the confessional and a strange male voice spoke.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned..."

Father Joseph Andrews sighed, speaking kindly in spite of his frustration. Oh how the lord tested him.

"Bless you my child, what have you to confess?"

"I'm sorry for that guy I killed... And that other guy I killed...And that guy I ripped in half... And I'm sorry for that lady I stabbed in the eye with a fork... And I'm sorry for unfreezing Megatron... And I'm sorry for hacking into US Bank to get money for coffee... And..."

Father Joseph Andrews simply sat there, wide eyed as the strange sounding man rambled on like a hyper active five year old on a sugar rush.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry for for stealing Sam's pants... And I'm sorry for looking at porn... I'm sorry for biting that weird guy in a Santa suit...And for shaving that weird looking dog and painting it green...I'm sorry for trying to take over the world... I'm sorry for hacking Brawn's processor and making him act like a squirrel for six hours... I'm sorry for planting a virus that took down the earths communications network... I'm sorry for peeing in the holy water..."

"Wait... You peed in the holy water?"

"Um... Yeah... I got bored waiting for the confessional to open up...Speaking of that... I'm sorry for killing the nun that tried to stop me...And that other guy who tried to stop me after I killed the nun... And..."

Twenty minutes later, a happy looking Frenzy slid through the doors of St. Paul's Catholic Church and scampered down the steps, climbing into the police cruiser that waited out front.

"Well?" Barricade asked, his hologram looking at the little hacker curiously.

"Priest says god answer's prayers... "

Barricade rolled his optics. "So, do you feel better?"

Frenzy grinned. "Yep, but we need to find another church."

"Why?"

"I killed the priest..."

Barricade's hologram banged its head on the steering wheel."AGAIN?"

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Megatron groaned weakly, shuddering as his systems came back online. What the hell had hit him?

"Don't try to move yet, the drug hasn't fully worn off."

Growling, he struggled, biting back a moan as the room spun and his vision blurred. When the world came back into focus, he was surprised to see Sunstreaker standing in front of him.

"I told you that was too much."

"Shut up Sides. You ok Megatron?"

Sunstreaker knelt beside him. The Autobot's expression of concern confused the decepticon leader. Megatron sneered. "Oh yes, just peachy. What the slag do you want?"

Sunstreaker grinned. "Aw, don't be that way. I just want to ask you a question. Just one question, then we'll let you go."

Sideswipe scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Sunshine, I think you need to get your processor examined. Primus, this is stupid."

"SHUT UP SIDES! Megatron, just one question. Please?"

Realizing there was no way he could get out of the bindings they had him in, Megatron sighed and decided to see what the twins were up to. "One question and you'll let me go?"

Sunstreaker nodded eagerly.

"Fine. What is it?"

Megatron raised an optic ridge at the giddy expression that crossed the golden warrior's face.

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

Ten minutes later, the decepticons stared in awe as Megatron walked out of the Autobot base, completely unharmed, motioned for the "rescue party" that was about to attack to follow him and leapt into the sky. Starscream fell into formation beside him. The decepticon commander stopped him before he could ask.

"I don't want to talk about it Starscream."

**Author's note: Ok, if I get enough reviews, I will continue this... Random collection of weird... Stuff. So, if you like it, REVIEW! Yay! **


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